


The Girl From Amity

by What200



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24265300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/What200/pseuds/What200
Summary: A girl from the peaceful faction transfers to Dauntless with a very interesting background
Relationships: Four | Tobias Eaton & Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter One

My heart pounded in my ears as I climb the stage. I walked towards the center, where Marcus Eaton stood. His arm outstretched, a knife lay across his palm. I picked up the knife. I turned towards the real center of the stage. There stood five bowls, each represented filled with a different object representing their faction. Abnegation's bowl had gray stones. Erudite had water. Candor had glass panels. Dauntless had a fire. Amity, my home faction, had earth. I gazed upon my choices as if trying to decide. I heard a friend's voice, "Oh come on. We've known your answer since forever. I laughed, taking the blade to my palm. The knife slid across my hand, a shallow wound followed. Blood pooled in my hand as I walked towards the firelit bowl. I took a deep breath and tipped my hand, letting the blood seer in the flames.

"Dauntless!" Eaton cried. The mass of black figures roared. The other factions whispered, "Amity to Dauntless?" 

I sat by the Dauntless as the rest of the names were called. Though it felt as if all eyes were on me, I guessed it was because the red and yellow stood out against the black of the crowd behind me. But It was more a person from the peaceful faction to the danger-loving faction. My friend, who had yelled at me before, gave me a thumbs up. I returned a wave and a smile.

I didn't have time to dwell on him as the mass of Dauntless stood and ran outside. I bolted, catching up quickly. The burn of my lungs felt amazing. My feet pounding against the pavement. Running was not peaceful, so it had no place in Amity. But I have never felt more at ease. I skidded to a halt as the group waited for the train. I laughed. An Erudite transfer next to me paled, "Are we suppose to jump on that thing?"

I smiled, "Yep," I sprinted along the sidewalk. I threw myself at the open door, I landed, pushing myself up. I helped a Candor girl in. An Erudite redhead boy fell, He had just failed the Dauntless initiation. I gulped, I knew it would happen I just wasn't ready for the reality of it. I helped the Candor girl stand.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"Yeah"

"I'm," I hesitated, "Kali."

"I'm Christina. Do you know where we're going?" She yelled over the wind. I stood, feeling the wind flow through my face. 

I smiled, "Dauntless headquarters, I presume. I have no idea where that is."

"Does anyone?" She yelled, "It's like they crawled out of a hole in the ground." 

"Wind means a fast car, the wind might knock us out let's sit down."

I sat, and Christina sat next to me. We sat just in time as the wind knocked down the other transfers. Christina laughed. I smiled.

The Sun glimmered over the grey houses of Abnegation. My thoughts turned to my friend. I have no clue where he ended up. My guess is that he stuck with Amity. The train seemed to slow. I stood and grinned wickedly," They're jumping off!" I yelled. The faction transfers turned and agreed. I let them off first. 

"Then we have to jump too," said another Candor girl.

"That doesn't make any sense," said an Erudite boy.

"That's kinda what we signed up for, Peter.

I rolled my eyes, and Christina tried to reason with them. I stood at the edge, waiting for the rooftop. I glanced at Christina as she stood behind me. I launched myself off the train car, scraping my hands and knees. I heard several people land behind me. I listened to a scream as a Dauntless girl cried out a Dauntless boy held her, so she didn't fall. Below lay a girl sprawled on the pavement. My stomach churned. This is how it goes. I said a prayer over her and walked over to the group. I looked over my wounds.

"Oh no, the Pansy's been scraped how unpeaceful." The Erudite, Peter sneered. I glared at him as a man yelled, "My name is Max, and I am one of the leaders of your faction. Several stories below us are the members' entrance to our compound. If you can't jump off, you don't belong here." I smiled as I towards the front. The other initiates walked back, giving me a wide berth.

"You want us to jump off a ledge?" An Erudite girl questioned, "Is there water or something?"

"Let's find out!" I yelled. Max stepped aside, I looked down over the ledge. Taking a deep breath, I bent my knees and jumped, "Yeet!" I yelled. The wind howled in my ears. Every muscle tenses, waiting for impact. I landed on something hard, the wind knocked from my lungs. I wheeze, trying to breathe. Everything aches.

A net. A net lies at the bottom, I laughed lightly. Crawling towards outstretched hands, One helps me steady on solid ground. He has deep-set eyes, filled with a blue hue the seems to be looking for something. 

A girl laughs, "A Pansy jumped first? I can't believe it! Ha!"

"There's a reason she left, Lauren," his voice rumbled, "What's your name?" 

I hesitated, thinking of the name I gave Christina.

"Think about it." A faint smile appearing, "You don't get to choose again."

"Kali," I stated. 

"Kali, it is, Make the announcement Four," Lauren smiled.

The boy, Four, looks over his shoulder, shouting," First Jumper, Kali."

A crowd appears as my eyes adjust. They cheer loudly as screams fall down the hole. Christina landed on the net. She laughed, and the crowd cheered. Four set his hand on my back, "Welcome to Dauntless." I laughed.

  
  


When all the transfers landed, Lauren and Four lead us down a narrow tunnel. It sloped down, so I assumed we were headed deeper underground. It was hard to see so as I stopped behind Four. The others smacked into me.

"This is where we divide, Dauntless borns with me. I assume you don't need a tour." She smiled. The Dauntless borns follow leaving the transfers. Of those, there are nine only one Amity, the rests are Candor and Erudite. 

Four addresses us next, "I usually work in the control room, but for the next few weeks, I am your instructor. My name is Four."

"Four, Like the number?" Christina bluffs.

"Yes, Four replies, "Is there a problem?"

"No"

"Good. First up is the Pit which you will come to love-"

Christina snickered, "The Pit? Clever name." My breath hitched as Four walked towards her. He towered over her. I restrained myself from stepping between them. He stares at her, "What's your name?" 

"Christina," she squeaked.

"Listen up, Christina. If I wanted to deal will loud mouth Cantor's I would have joined their faction. Now the first thing you learn from me is to keep your mouth shut. Got it?"

She nods. Four walked away.

"What a jerk," she mumbled.

"He does have a point." I shrugged, she glared at me. I carefully watch Four. He pushes the double doors open. We walk into "the Pit". 

"Oh," Christina gasped. The Pit was definitely the right word. It was a literal cavern so big I could see the other side from where I assumed was the bottom. Set in stone were several places for food, clothing, amongst other things. Narrow paths connected them. I chuckled to myself, as children dashed along. He brought us to the chasm.

"This reminds us of the fine line between bravery and idiocy. A daredevil jump off will end your life. It has happened, and it will happen again. You have been warned."

"This is amazing," Christina gasped.

"Yeah," I breathed out. Four lead us through a hole in the wall.

It leads to a dining hall. When we walked in the hall cheered for us. I laughed, Christina smiled. We walked to find seats. I found myself between her and Four in front of me was a meat substance I didn't recognize. I took some but didn't know what to do with it.

Four nudged me, "It's beef." He pushed a bowl of red sauce in front of me, "Put this on it." 

"Thanks-" Before I could finish, Christina interjected, "You've never had a hamburger?" Her eyes were wide. 

"No, Is that what this is called?"

Four nodded. Christina asked, "Why?"

"I'm terrible at being peaceful, I guess. I was always in the Correction room under heavy sedation, so I never got fed anything with substance also, I assume this is a difficult food to drug." I said, thinking of why I hadn't, "Also, Amity is a fruit-based diet."

"Drugged?!" Christina hissed.

"Yeah, Don't ever eat Amity bread," I said solemnly. My hand reflexively reached for the inhibitor in my neck. It couldn't be seen visibly. I could only feel it even then I only know it's there because I watched it be put there.

"I see why you left." Christina interrupted my thoughts. I rubbed the inhibitor.

"Yeah, I totally left because of the food." I rolled my eyes. I glanced at Four. I would have sworn I saw his mouth twitch.

The cafeteria doors fell open, and silence held the room. A young man glanced around, looking for something. He seemed harsh and mean, yet his boyish face deceived his goal.

"Who is that?" Christina asked.

"A Dauntless leader," Four answered, "His name is Eric."

Christina was about to question his age when Eric's gaze rested on our table. Eric marches to our table and sits beside Four. "Are you going to introduce me," he says, nodding to Christina and me.

Four waves his hand, "This Kali and Christina."

"Ooh a Pansy," he taunts, smirking, which makes the holes of the piercings wider. I held my tongue as he glanced around again.

"What have you been up to recently, Four?"

Four shrugs, "Nothing, really."

"Max has said that he's trying to meet with you, and you don't show up. He wanted me to find out what's going on." Eric says.

Four pauses and then answered the unasked question, "Tell him that I am satisfied with the position I currently hold."

"So, he wants to give you a job."

"So, it would seem." Four sighed.

"And you don't want it."

"I haven't wanted it for two years."

"Well," Eric stated, "Let's hope he gets the point."

He claps Four on the shoulder, then walks away.

"He seems nervous," I said. Four furrowed his eyebrows. He seemed shocked, but he didn't want to show it.

"How can you tell that? He seemed so intimidating." Christina said shakily.

"Hmm, I don't know exactly. Just seemed like it." I turned to Four, "His wording seemed off somehow. Do you really think Max sent him?" I pondered. Eric's responses seemed surprised. 

Four's eyes narrowed, "I wouldn't question it if I were you."

"Okay," I said slowly, "He was an Erudite transfer, right?"

Four dropped his fork, "I thought I'd only have trouble with the Candors asking too many questions," his voice had an edge, "Now I've got Pansies too?"

I smirked, he was afraid I would guess what faction he came from. Still smirking, "It's only because you're so approachable, you know? Like," I exaggerated, thinking, "Like that chasm, you just showed us. I point my thumb in the direction. 

He glared at me. He was trying to kill me with his eyes. I smirked, holding his gaze. "Careful, Kali." 

I laughed, hard, "If heavy sedation couldn't make me cautious. What makes you think I'm going to be now? You built an intricate exterior. I respect that, but don't think for a second you're impossible to read. Agreed?" My voice was now dangerous.

Four walked away quickly as someone called his name, but I saw a slight nod as he walked away.

I turned to Christina. Her face was covered in shock, "How did you do that? How do you know? Can you teach me?"

"I would, but I just agreed that I wouldn't ruin his exterior."

"I wouldn't say anything," Christina assured me.

I looked at her, "You wouldn't have to."

As dinner ended, Eric led us to a wooden door and stood in front of it. The initiates gathered around.

"For those of you who don't know me, my name is Eric," he said. "I am one of the five Dauntless leaders. We take the initiation process very seriously, so I was volunteered to oversee your training." That seemed weird, but I left it alone for now.

"Ground rules, training starts at eight o'clock every day and goes until six. You are free to do whatever after six. You will get some free time between the stages of initiation. You are only allowed to leave the compound with a dauntless member. Behind this door is where you will be sleeping for the next few weeks. There are ten beds and nine of you. We expected one more to arrive."

"We started with twelve," Christina protests. I tensed, waiting for the reprimand. 

"There is always at least one who won't even make it to the compound. Anyways, in the first stage, we keep the transfers and dauntless born separate, but you aren't evaluated separately. In the end, you will be ranked together. They already have a head start. So I don't expect-"

"Why are we ranked," A mousy hair Erudite girl asked. Eric gives a wicked smile, "There are two purposes. Job selection, because there are sparse good ones, and two only the top ten become members." I grimaced. Yeah, that's what I thought.

"What?" breathed Christina. They're training soldiers, and they don't have enough inhibitors.

Eric continues, "There are eleven Dauntless born and nine of you. Four will be cut after the first stage the rest after the final."

I give a reassuring smile to Christina, at least I hoped it was. My odds at first glance weren't good, but I'm smart and a quick study. 

"What happens if we're cut," Peter asked.

"We become factionless," I stated plainly. It was kinda obvious. Eric's eyes gleamed as his sinister smile reformed, "The Pansy is correct. You will become factionless."

The mousy-haired Erudite girl stifled sobs. I gritted my teeth and straightened my back. I will make it. I have to.

*Time Skip*

"That's not fair," cried Molly, the other Candor girl. I clenched my jaw. Then you shouldn't have chosen Dauntless.

"If we had known-" Molly tried to continue.

"Are you saying that if you had known this before the Choosing Ceremony, you wouldn't have chosen Dauntless?" Eric snapped. The fact I agreed with him kinda scared me. He finished saying, "Cause if that the case, then you should get out. If you really belong here, it won't matter that you might fail. And if it does, you are a coward.

Eric opens the door, "You chose us. Now we choose you." 

We chose our bunks and got changed into the clothes provided. I crawled into bed a newfound determination settled into my stomach. I wasn't tired, but I was weakened. I was scared, but I wasn't going to show it. Besides, bravery isn't the absence of fear, it is acting despite fear. Then a strangled sob fills the room. I called it. A large body turned and tries to muffle his cries with a pillow. It didn't work, but hey, he tried. I sat up and reached over, "Hey."

I made my voice clear so he may steady himself. He turned over, moved the pillow enough so I could see his eyes.

He took a couple of deep breaths. "Hey," he gasped out.

"Scary prospects, huh?" I said, trying to reassure him.

"Yeah, "his eyes filled with tears, "I don't know if I can do it."

"I get that, but hey nobody else does either. So if you don't know, you can always find out. Why not try? Give it a shot. You might surprise yourself." I said smoothly.

He calmed down, "You're right. I'll give it a shot. Thank you. I'm Al."

"You're welcome. I'm Kali."

He turned over, "Goodnight, Kali."

I smiled, "Goodnight, Al."


	2. Learning to Fight

“First things first. You will learn how to shoot a gun. Next, how to win a fight.” I smiled as Four pressed a gun to my palm, avoiding eye contact. “Thankfully, since you are here, you already know how to get on and off a moving train, so I don’t have to teach you that.”  
I was glad we hit the ground running. I was so excited to see what we would learn. I glanced at Al. He seemed almost excited, more than nervous, but it counts. Christina looked at me like I was insane.

Four gave a spiel about the initiation process. He said the three stages aren’t weighed the same, so though it may be difficult, you can improve. The gun in my lit a fire in my stomach. This gave me power, where I physically lacked.

“We believe,” Four continued, “The preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define by failing to act in the midst of fear,” My eyes widen, it was as if he read my mind. “Therefore,” He said, “each stage prepares you differently. The first stage is physical, the second is mental, and the third is emotional.”

“What..” Peter yawned, through his statement, “does firing a gun have to do with... bravery?”  
Four flipped the gun in his hand and pressed it to Peter’s forehead and charges it.   
A small “Ooo” escapes my lips. Christina smiles next to me.   
“Wake. Up,” Four snaps. “You are holding a loaded gun, idiot. Act like it.”  
I stifle a laugh as Four lowers the gun, and Peter glares at him.

“And to answer your question, you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for mommy if you are prepared to defend yourself. You’ll also need this later. Watch me,” He faced the wall with targets on it. He stood with both feet apart, held his arms out yet steady, and fired. The bang was so loud, and blood rushed to my ears. I laughed at the feeling; the bullet struck the middle of the target. Turn to my own and open the ejection port to verify it was loaded. I released it and looked towards the target. I planted my feet and lifted my arms. I held firm and pressed my head forward-leaning towards the gun so I wouldn’t cringe away. My bullet struck the edge. I glanced around, looking towards Al, who was one target down from me. He seemed to be picking it up, so I resumed fire. Three more shots, I was just below the center.

“Ya know. Statistically, you should have at least hit the edge of the center.” the Erudite boy next to me, Will, says, grinning.  
“Ya kNoW sTaTiStiCaLly, you should’ve hit the target by now. Right?” I mimicked analyzing his target. I swore I heard Four let out a laugh. Will blushed and returned to shooting. I narrowed on the target and fired. My shot landed in the center.  
“Haha.” I cried, “I did it. Ha.” I turned to Will, who finally hit the target.

“Wow, did you statistically figure out what your sights do?” I mocked him. He blushed, I laughed maniacally. I looked over at Al, who had hit the outside ring of the center circle. He glanced at me, and I gave him a thumbs up. He smiled and resumed shooting. I looked at Christina, who was also getting closer and closer. I watched her shoot. I placed my hand on her back, “Don’t shy away from the gun. You are almost there. You control the gun. You control where it goes.” I gave a smile. She brightened with determination. 

Four stopped behind me. I smirked. I narrowed in and emptied my mag into the center, not one falling out of place. The center was sufficiently destroyed. I cheered in triumph as my peers finally managed to hit the center. Four took the gun to reload it. Oh, he was definitely smiling at me. I looked down the line and moved to help a couple. I tried to help all of them at least once. Peter growled at me, but he listened, and it helped him hit the center. I returned to my spot as Four finished. He glared at me, “Careful, Kali.”

“That’s going to be your catchphrase isn’t it,” I smirked, pretending I wasn’t thinking CaReFuLl, KaLi. His eyes narrowed as I turned back to my target and emptied the magazine. He took the gun and put it away, so the other had plenty to practice with. I stood at the back because they were starting to get it. Four sat a little ways away but not far away but not too close either.

I studied him as he watched the other transfers. He had a tattoo peeking out under his collar. He had a muscular build. He had lovely blue eyes, dark brown hair. He was tall and broad, yet he had a gentleness to his actions. He was well-spoken- Oh no. I stopped the thoughts looking at my fellow transfers as my mind filled with Oh no’s. I have- ugh what is it called—some term of affection. I’d have to ask someone. I held my chin, trying to find the word. Four seemed like he was about to ask but changed his mind as he announced the break for lunch. 

I walked to the cafeteria with Christina and Will. Christina invited Al to sit with us. I looked at her, and she just smiled, nodding. Christina started talking about classes we might’ve had together.   
“So, why are you not sitting with your buddies?” Christina asked Will.   
“They’re not my buddies, besides Edward and Myra are dating. I don’t want to be a third wheel.” Will answered. We all looked over at the couple. They sat with their elbows pressed together. They pressed their mouths together. I held my face, but I have no idea what that was. The others just nodded and looked back. I nodded and carried on. 

After lunch, we were led to a new room where a green board stood with our names written in alphabetical order. On one edge of the room, hung punching bags that sat three feet intervals from each other. Now we learn how to fight.  
“As I said this morning,” Four said, “Now You learn how to fight. The purpose of this is to prepare you to act. To prepare your body for threats and challenges you will face if you become a Dauntless member.”

The idea added fuel to the fire that the challenges didn’t stop after training. He stated, “Today we will focus on technique, tomorrow you will spar. Pay attention, or tomorrow will be very painful for you.” He demonstrates several punches in the air and against the bags. I was excited because I knew most of the movements, although with slight variations. Glancing around, I noticed my bag was moving a lot more than the other. The sting in my hands brought me to life, my heart racing. I practiced the different punches with ease noticing Christina struggling. 

I moved to her, “Hey you’re smaller try to use your knees and elbows, put your power there.” She smiled and thanked me. She managed to drive the bag much farther than before. She beamed at me. I glanced around and helped a few more, even the reluctant Peter. “Hey, how are you holding,” I asked Al. “Better,” He replied. His raw strength drove the bag far on the chain. “Try focusing your strength on where you are hitting rather than just relying on pure strength. You are strong, but an opponent can easily dodge such a strong attack.” Al smiled and drove his fist into the bag with far more control. He nodded in understanding. 

I wandered back over to my bag. Four walked behind me, “Careful, Kali.” I laughed lightly, “You can say it as much as you want. It’s not going to happen.” He smirked and walked away. Several hours later, we are dismissed for dinner. Christina nudges my arm, “Why doesn’t he scare you? He scares the hell out of me. That quiet voice...”

“Simple, I have faced a lot worse than him. Man, what I would give to let him be scary…” I trailed off at the shocked faces I received. Christina spoke, as Candors do, “I noticed your fighting seemed almost natural. What could be scarier than him?”  
My head said, “Jeanine Matthews.” I shrugged and told them, “There are a lot of sides to our world that most people do not see.’ My hand moved to rub the inhibitor in my neck. I don’t know where the control was now, but I desperately hoped Eric wouldn’t get a hold of it. Al removed the attention from me as he announced, “I want a tattoo.” I silently thanked him. They discussed. Will and Al headed to the tattoo parlor. Christina and I headed to the clothes shop for some new clothing. I tried on jeans and a black long sleeve sweater. I was so relieved to be out of the obnoxious red and yellow. “It looks good on you,” Christina said.

“Thanks. I prefer the colors of the Dauntless, you know?” I said, glancing at her as she tried on a dress.   
“It makes sense,” She said, “I never liked looking at them. I can’t imagine wearing them.”  
“That dress looks very good on you. What is that?” She had grabbed a wooden object with a black tip. I couldn’t remember for the life of me what they were called. She giggled, “It’s called eyeliner. It is to make the eyes more noticeable. Want some?”

“Yes please, as long as you’ll put it on for me? My hands are unbelievably shaky.” I explained. She nodded and giggled. I closed my eyes as she applied the eye-thingy. “Ta-da.” she sang as I opened my eyes and faced the mirror. I was impressed. It really did make the brown of my eyes shimmer. I laughed, “Thanks, it works well.” She giggled as she reached up to my hair and pulled out the hair tie. My hair poofed out due to not brushing it last night. Christina and I laughed hard as she grabbed a brush. Diving into my hair, she managed to wrangle the obnoxious brown curls to lay on my shoulders. My curly hair complimented my eyes and the new clothes I had been wearing. I looked nice. “Thanks, Christina. Sorry, my hair is unruly.”

She laughed, “You’re welcome, and It was an experience, to say the least. Let’s pay and go watch Al get tattooed.” We use our monthly Dauntless points to pay for the items. Racing, we made our way to the tattoo parlor. Al had already started while Will talked to him to keep him distracted. Christina and I browsed the tattoos. All of them were drawn by Amity, which left a bitter taste in my mouth until I found one I recognized. I pulled it’s print closer. I knew the artist. I smiled fondly as one of the tattooists came over, “Would you like a tattoo?” she asked. 

“Yes, please. This one.” It was a heart wrapped in flames, each the color of the other factions. One flame for every faction that I aspire to replicate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos if you enjoyed. Let me know if you want more.


	3. Over the Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sparring Begins

After the tattoos, We all traveled back to the dorms to settle in. Then Al stopped to tie his shoes. Christina shared a look with me and walked on with Will. “Sorry,” He said, “I wanted to ask you something.”

My mind drew up a particularly horrible image of what he was asking. When he continued. “Can you help me with the stuff we learned today. I just can’t quite get it and if I have to fight tomorrow…” He trailed off, scratching his neck. I breathed, “Yeah, sure. Do you want to spar or go over the moves?”

He gulped, “Just the moves,... please?” I laughed lightly. He’s cute. “Okay let’s go to the training room; hopefully, the punching bags are still up.” We walked to the training room. I asked for specifics, so we knew what to train, and I created a small training sequence in my head. We got there. Flicking on the light, I smile at the bags that are still up. “Lucky us, it would seem.” Al walked to the bag he was using early. 

“Okay first, show me how you have been, and we’ll go from there. Okay?” I smiled, hoping it was enough to get him to try. He nodded as I named off the different punches. He did each one as I asked. “Okay it looks good. A few pointers, one drive your fist. You keep trying to slam it down, but that will give your opponent the advantage to break your hand.” He winced, “So you want power in your fist but not enough to leave you powerless. Yes, you are a big guy, and everybody will tell you that a smaller opponent will win, but that is not actually the case. The best way to win a fight is to use the opponent’s judgments against you. So most people will automatically think you are slow. And the way I fight, I would use that to let them think you are slow then strike when they don’t expect it. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, I think so. I assume most people underestimate you?”  
“Of course, I’m a teenage girl from Amity and rather small. No one in their right mind would think I was the threat.” I laughed.  
“Okay so how do I not be slow?” He seemed dejected.

“Easy. When you punch, punch with your dominant hand, but keep the other hand close to your body when the small opponent tries to go around.” I showed him some dodges and kicks to stop a smaller opponent. His attitude seemed to improve. When we were done, he grew solemn again, “Do we really have to fight each other?”

I looked at him, “Yeah, The real-life application eliminates fear. After fighting in a simulated situation, you then know whether or not you can actually fight.” We sat down on the floor.  
“But what if I have to fight you?” He put his head in his hands. I laughed, “You think I would teach you how to fight me? No, I taught you a standardized form of fighting. I have been fighting for years. And I have way worse opponents over the years, I can do the knockdown drag-out fights. It is the mental ones that are harder.”  
“But I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t hurt me unless I let you or there is some outside interference. In that scenario, I would be a lot more worried about your life than mine. I have fought for my life time and time again, and I bet that you haven’t” The bewildered look on his face confirmed it.  
“Oh, okay. Still fighting anyone doesn’t sound like fun.”

“Of course not, our school taught us fighting was barbaric and unkind. You are trying to change stuff you have been taught from birth, and there is always the possibility you won’t. I love fighting, way more than I should. If you don’t, this is definitely the wrong faction. However, if you do it despite being afraid you pretty much fill the shoes, the Dauntless manifesto states, although they are straying from it.” I sighed, he seemed more relieved as he reconciled the idea with himself.

“Thank-!” He started as Four walked in. “Uninitiated are not supposed to be here after hours.” Al pretty much scrambled out of the room. I laughed, “Really? seeing as there aren’t any clocks anywhere, how are we supposed to know the hour?”  
Four set his teeth, “The lanterns change colors at different times.”  
I deadpanned, “Wow, really? I had absolutely no idea. Tell me more?” I put my chin in my palms and batted my eyelids. He shook his eyes, “I figured. Why? Like someone?”

“Not Al? Didn’t you notice how quick he was to underestimate me? He might like me, but he’s not exactly my type.”  
“Really,” Four sat next to me, “And what would your type happen to be?”  
“Like I’d tell you! You’d make me fight them.”  
He nodded a slight smile and showed, “Fair enough.” I watched him think to ask a question but didn’t. “Time to go to bed. You got training tomorrow,”  
I laugh, looking at his eyes, “Not really just sparring with people who have never fought in their entire lives.” He wasn’t bad on the eyes. I still have no idea what the word was. He offered his hand. Helping me up, I stumbled (totally on accident) into him. He helped steady me. We share a small smile. “So gonna walk me back?” I asked.

“I was planning on it, seeing as you’d probably run off again.” His quiet voice was gonna be my downfall. We walked silently. He was the first person here not to fill every silence with pointless chatter. The energy around us buzzed. We made it back. “Do not run off again, or you will be punished. Got it?”  
“Yeah, no promises, though.” I smirked. He shook his head. Changing to a dejected attitude, I walked in carefully as to not be too loud. Christina waved as I moved to the bunk.

“Thanks for that,” I whispered, though it seemed to echo.  
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” She yawned and rolled over. I crawled into bed.  
“Sorry, I left you” Al whispered.  
“It’s okay. Don’t worry. I’m perfectly capable of taking myself.” I smiled and rolled to my side, facing away from him.

The next morning, Christina shook me awake.  
“Time to get up.”

“Thanks,” I rolled out of bed and got dressed. We walked to the training room. It was still the same. But the names on the board had moved, Four explained, “Since there is an odd number of you, one of you will not fight today.” I immediately flicked my eyes to the list, searching for my name. I found it across from Al’s name. Of course, it was, where else would it be? And what else other than being first, I sighed and shook my head. “Good luck,” Christina squeezed my arm. My heart pounded as I walked to the mat in the center. Every limb trembled, I drew myself up straight and took a deep breath. The energy buzzed as Al reluctantly walked up. I faced him and let the fear fill me. I took a fighting stance. We started, I quickly jabbed between his slow movements. He tried the stuff I taught him. He got a solid punch in as I used the rock back to deck him in the face, hard. My fist stung, I smiled at the feeling. He drove a punch. I ducked and knocked him on his back. He swung wildly. Landing a blow, my face stung. I flipped him and pinned his neck to the mat. I slyly hit a pressure point that knocked him unconscious. I stood. I zoned back in as the room had faded as I was fighting. 

Eric and Four were arguing whether a man is brave when he concedes or when the enemy is destroyed. Both, I thought, depends on the fight. I walked away from the ring. Breathing, I sat next to Christina. “Good job, You didn’t kill him, did you?”  
I tried to laugh, but my ribs hurt too much, wincing, “No he’s just unconscious.” My heart was still racing, “Good luck,” I said as she was going to fight Molly. Four walked to take Al to the infirmary, he asked if I wanted to go, but I stayed back. I had a feeling something was gonna happen.  
Four left. Christina and Molly began to fight. They circled neither really looking to fight.

“Are you gonna fight or chase each other around?” Eric had grown bored, it was kinda my fault because the last one had enthralled him.  
“When do we stop?” asked Christina.  
“When one of you can’t continue,” Eric said plainly.  
Christina took a deep breath and kicked Molly on the side. She is pinned, and they thrash about. Trading punches and kicks, blood everywhere. My foot taps rapidly, “Come on, Christina.” I muttered under my breath, but she looked at me and fought harder. She was knocked again and called out.  
“Stop!” What is she doing?

“Stop, I’m done.” Oh no, I held my hand over my mouth. Eric stalked over, crossed arms he asked, “What? What was that? You’re done?” Blood flows as she stands, If he had yelled, she would have braved it, but Eric was smarter than that. He ordered us to follow him. And he led us to the high ledge that was over the chasm Four had introduced us to on the first night, I noticed a bar along the edge.  
“Hang from it,” Eric said

“What,” Christina asked, expecting him to relent. He doesn’t hang from that for five minutes, and I’ll forget your cowardice. But if you fail, you won’t be able to continue your initiation.” Fear propelled me, “Challenge,” I called. “She hangs for a minute, I’ll do it for eight”

My voice was steel as every muscle tensed. My ribs and face burned, Christina’s slight relax gave me strength. Eric’s smile turned sinister, “Deal,” he said, acting bored, but his sadistic smile showed excitement. Christina’s eyes locked with mine as she crawled over the bar. I gave a smile and nodded. Her gaze turned determined and let herself hang. The minute passed excruciatingly slow. Every second felt like an hour, The water sprayed, and she kept slipping. Screaming she held on, I prayed and prayed to give her my strength when the glorious watch beeped. Will and Edward helped Christina back over. 

I walked towards the ledge. I felt the sadist’s laugh against my ear. I shuddered, smirked, and climbed over. I locked my arms and closed my eyes. My breathing was ragged. Every muscle burned, my ribs and face stretched against the bruises, marinating in pain. I gnashed my teeth straining. Water splashed, my getting slippery. Christina’s scream filled my head. Tears filled my eyes as I tried to empty my head. A song my mom used to sing. I took a shaky breath and began to sing.

“There is the sun  
It’s peace you love  
Though as it fades  
You’ll be afraid  
But when the night  
tries to take you  
You are strong  
You are enough  
Outlast the night  
As you’ve always done ,” my voice hitched, I look up to the sun beaming down through the glass panes, 

“In the dark  
All alone  
The moon will guide you  
Sunset bound.” My hands burned, every muscle tensed. The watch beeped as Edward, and Will helped me up. I leaned on someone until someone else picked me up. 

My mind filled with the memory of that song, and consciousness slipped away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos or a comment if you want more!


	4. To the Fence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A field trip the the fence

I stood at the edge of the chasm, looking down into its water roughing waves. I saw people down below watching. I wasn’t sure what they were watching until I looked at the bar and saw Christina. Her scream rang in my ears. I bolted up. 

“It’s okay. It’s okay. You are alright. You are in the infirmary.” said a male next to me. I held my hands over my ears as the scream went through my entire body. My heavy breathing replaced it as it faded. I waited until my breath shallowed to rub my eyes and look around the room. It was an infirmary, but unusual from the ones I knew. Both of those had been brightly colored, this one was grimly light. I suspect it’s from being underground. I took deep breaths to steady my heart rate. I put my hand on my stomach and looked at where the voice came from. It was Four.  
“Hi,” I said  
“Hello,” He replied. I held in a laugh.  
“How long have I been out?”

He glanced at his watch, “about 11 hours and 35 minutes.” I laughed loudly, my stomach not as in much pain as I was suspecting. It just felt like mush.   
“Thanks for the specifics. What did I miss?”

“Not much, after you fainted Peter and Drew fought. It was a swift victory. Christina and Al were here for a few hours until they were in bed, so I took over. It was very sweet of Christina to try and defend you even though she could barely walk.” He regaled. I smiled, “Sounds like her. How is she after… you know?”   
“Good, she was very thankful and regretful to have you take her fall. Though I’m pretty sure everyone was with her when she kept asking why, even Peter. Who doesn’t seem to be fond of you.” He explained, then asked, “Why did you do it? Please don’t say it was to prove your strength.”   
“No, Fighting Al did that as well as prove you didn’t underestimate me. I hung from that bar to... I don’t know, show I care in the only way I know how?” I shrugged Christina has done so much for me in the past two days, and I saw she was in trouble, and she needed hope, so I gave Eric a challenge, and we both know he doesn’t back down.”

Four nodded, “I like the tattoo on your shoulder”  
“Thanks, I saw an old friend had drawn it, so I figured I would get it.”

His smile was gentle, yet not soft. He was firm but not arrogant. I liked him. The realization was met with a silent, “Oh no,” that only I could hear. I watched as he talked, “Tomorrow, there is a field trip to the outskirts to look at possible jobs.”  
“Thanks,” I looked him in the eye, “When do I return to the dormitory? No offense, but these beds are mighty uncomfortable.”  
Four laughed. His eyes sparkled, “Sure, I’ll walk you back, so you don’t run off.”  
I giggled. What the fuck? I ridiculed myself as we walked. The silence was pleasant. We reached the dorms, and I thanked him and slipped inside. Christina, Will, and Al all clapped as I walked in, soon the entire room was clapping until I made it to my bunk.

“Thanks, guys,” I said, grabbing clothes after I realized the ones I had been wearing were strongly drenched in sweat. I changed and climbed into Christina’s bunk. “How are you?” I asked, holding eye contact.  
She quickly looked away, “I’m okay,” she pulled me into a tight hug, “Thank you, even though I’m upset you got the glory. I know why, and it’s okay.” She cried into my shoulder. “It was a thank you for everything you’ve done since I got here,” I said, tears of my own, spilling. I can’t remember the last time someone hugged me so genuinely. We held close until we both fell asleep. 

In the morning, Will awoke us. I climbed down with much pain. There is the soreness. I sat on the bed as I slowly got dressed. I looked over my wounds, a little proud of myself. I’d always loved scarring to show my adventures to my mom. The bruises were a nasty blue and purple, yet it reminded me of my strength. I smiled widely with great determination and happiness. I moved to tie my shoes. I managed one as Christina returned with food. She handed me a muffin and crouched to tie them because my first attempt wouldn’t have held  
“Thank you,” I breathed, the wheezing had returned.  
“If I hadn’t we’d have never made it.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have.” I corrected as we speed walked to the Pit due to my wounds. We made it to the train. Christina explained our tardiness to Will as I felt the wind through my hair. I lifted my arms to feel the wind as I waited for the train to arrive. I laughed at the wind as it picked up as the train sped past/. I backed up to the edge of the sidewalk and raced forward, launching myself into the cab. I quickly stood to help other people, but I felt woozy and held to the wall. “Feeling a bit Stiff there, Kali,” mocked Peter. Everyone in the room eyed him, and he flushed. I laughed, “Nope, just a little Dauntless.” Peter cracked a smile.

“Thanks for your candor,” He laughed, I was in tears. I felt Four glare, “Am I really going to have to listen to this all the way?” Peter and I laugh. I looked at him with tears in my eyes, “Yes we don’t want to ruin the amity.” Peter and I cackled.  
“I hear one more, and you are both getting thrown out.” Four said, quietly. That made us laugh harder. We couldn’t say anymore as we were laughing the entire time. Every time Peter and I looked at each other, we would laugh again. It hurt to laugh, but it felt good, especially as the rest looked at us like we were insane. They were right. Four stood spread eagle with the majority of his body outside the car. The wind moved through the car smoothly, so I held my face to the wind. As the laughter still bubbled in my stomach. I sobered up quickly as we passed the woods I used to roam.

I got closer to the door as I searched. I had always wondered if I was seen by the train way back then. I crawled to sit underneath one of Four’s arms. I squinted, scouring every inch. I gasped. I saw it. It was fast, but I knew I saw it. Two kids, a girl with braids, and a boy with a stick. They were watching. I waved. I smiled as they wove back. I shooed them off, giving the symbol. Two hands in the shape of a heart, they returned it as they dashed off. My smile stayed full force. From then to now, oh how I’d grown. The bittersweet memories filled my head. I stumbled into Four back as the brakes squealed. He gave me a look as I stood up. I smirked as the train stopped. The happiness I felt made me ignore the pain as I jumped down. I saw the fence I was all too familiar with. Chain-linked with a barbed-wired top, I remember trying to race with my friend to the edge. Too many memories out here, I sighed as Four called for us to follow him. I march next to Christina, it was nice to have.. I don’t know the word. We reached a gate as large as a house. I remember the one time I was allowed to go with Amity. I concealed my laugh at my foolish stupidity.

“If you don’t rank top 5, you will most likely end up here,” Four explained. “Once you are a fence guard, there is room to rank but not much. You may be able to go on patrols past Amity’s farms.” Will stops him, “Patrols for what purpose?” I held my tongue as the kids who ran in the fields were the second reason the first was to prevent another incident. “I guess you’ll find out if you are among them. If it’s a comfort, say it’s not as bad as it seems.” I chuckled as Christina whispered in my ear about not being factionless. That made me sober up because there were far worse things than being factionless, except very few actually know that. I took a deep breath as Peter asked, “What rank were you?”  
“First,” I whispered only loud enough for Christina to hear.

“I was first,” said Four. Christina looked at me, bewildered. I laughed as Four glared at me. “And you chose this?” Peter asked, eyes wide, “Why not a government job?”  
“Didn’t want one.” Four said, flatly. I didn’t blame him. I’ve had more than enough government dealings for my entire lifetime. A truck was being admitted by the Dauntless guards. In the back were several Amity, I peer in and see apples. “Kallous?” An Amity boy said. I smiled wide. I could recognize that voice anywhere, “Fire?”  
He beamed, “Nice to see you”

“You too. It’s Kali actually” My heart is heavy.  
“Getting into trouble without me?” He jested. I remembered him cheering me on at the ceremony.  
“Me? Trouble? Always. I do not think there will ever be a day where I don’t get into trouble,” I retorted, “You as well, I hope?”   
“Nope, I am rid of your demonic influence.” He lifted his nose. I laughed  
“How dare you? Well, you’re right, but still.” We held eye contact saying everything we weren’t. He nodded and smiled, “See ya on the flipside.”  
“To hell and back,” I smirked, hiding the symbol in my side. I lifted my head as Four walked away from the Dauntless girl he was talking to. “I am worried you have a knack for making unwise decisions,” He says as he gets a foot away. 

“Absolutely, how do you think I got the name Kallous?” I said, cocking my head.   
“I assumed from your parents,” he said. I flinched as he raised his hand, too fast to my cheek.   
“Not all of us get that luxury,” I rolled my eyes, trying to push past the flinch. 

“You would’ve been fine if you had been faster.”  
“Of course, there are a million things I could’ve done, but I didn’t. I don’t care. I made a choice, and you,” I glared at him, “should be smart enough to understand why.” His eyes narrowed. I raised my eyebrows as the train arrived. His eyes were at the back of my head as I jumped in.


	5. To the Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please bear with me I'm still trying to piece together the story, so I apologize if some details get contradicted. I'm working on future chapters to avoid this problem later.

The next day there were more fights. My pain had mostly gone except with specific movements. Yesterday’s events left me excited to return to work. I kinda hoped I would fight, almost no doubt if Eric was picking. I walked with Christina, Will, and Al to the fighting room with way more energy than anyone else. The chalkboard was filled out, but Eric and Four were whispering about. I beamed when I saw my name next to Peter. 

“Oh boy,” I breathed. Christina mistook it for fear, “It’s okay. You can just pretend to fight.”  
“I haven’t lost a fight, yet, I’m not starting now.” I was excited, though we were the last to fight. I tapped my foot as Edward fought Al. It was a quick fight because Al had taken to a few hits and fainting. Christina and Will were next. It was interesting as Christina had learned to protect her face. I had always seen fighting as a language, and if anything, this fight proved it. They were saying whatever they weren’t out loud. It was hard to say what as I wasn’t the one fighting, but with the way they looked at each other, they pretty clearly expressed their feelings. They beat each other pretty thoroughly as Christina was knocked unconscious. I bounced around as Peter and I entered the ring. I was interested in what he wasn’t saying. The world faded as we focused on each other. It felt like forever as we studied each other. I looked him in the eye. I was trying to tell him to show me his anger rather than looking like it. He sprang to action as every punch was missed yet held his rage and confusion. When he had fully released it, I punched and pressed a pressure point so no one would see his tears. I smiled proudly. This is why I fight. The day passed quickly though I was reluctant to sleep due to the screams that never faded.

Though as I crawled into bed without changing, I felt my brain relent as I fell into a heavy sleep until people with flashlights flooded in. “Everybody up,” someone roared. I bolted up and tied my shoes as Four, and I locked eyes. I was standing and waiting for the others. Eric gave us five minutes to meet him on the tracks for another field trip. My excitement spiked as I waited for Christina. When everyone else had left, I bolted passed them to the tracks. I smiled as the wind hit my face. I arrived just behind the Dauntless-born initiates. Next to them was a large pile of what resembled guns.

“Are we going to shoot something,” Christina said incredulously. I shrugged and read the box next to the guns. I gasped, “No we’re going paintballing.” I quickly grab some gear, slinging the gun over my shoulder. There was a remark about time, but I wasn’t listening as the train arrived. Four and I jumped at the same time. His face dropped for a second as I smirked. I reached to help others in. 

I stand against the wall once everyone is in. Four speaks up, “Where are dividing into teams for capture the flag paintball. I kept my excitement quiet. I hadn’t played this in a while.  
Four were still talking, “Each team will be an even mix of initiates and dauntless born. One team will get off first to hide theirs, and then the other team will as well. This is a dauntless tradition. I suggest you take it carefully.”  
“What happens if we win?” someone asked.  
“That’s not a very Dauntless thing to say?” Four answered.  
“You win, of course,” said Eric, “Four and I are captains.”

Four gestured to Eric, “You go first.” Eric shrugs and picks Edward. I was always picked last for most things throughout my life. I assumed this would follow the pattern. I didn’t care as long as I got to play.  
“I want the Pansy,” Four spoke, clearly. I laughed along with the rest of the train car. Eric looked at him, “Got something to prove? Or just looking for someone to blame?”

Four shrugged, “Something like that.” I laughed and stayed silent, as others were chosen. Four ended up picking all of my somewhat close allies. I wondered what he was doing, but I really didn’t care. I zoned out as the Dauntless born were called. Then I realized he was choosing the fast. I subtly put my palm to my head, as the rest were picked.  
Eric was taunting, failing to understand the strategy, “Your team can get off first.”

“Don’t do me any favors,” Four replied. Al looked at me forlorn as Eric and Four bickered. I smiled to reassure him. I turned, and it looked like my team was getting off first. I stood at the lip of the train right next to Four. He glanced at me and then jumped. I followed immediately. I walked forward as a Dauntless-born asked about last year’s hiding place. I noticed the flirtation and looked away as someone called “Navy Pier” I glanced at the person who said it. Tall, brown skin, dark eyes, he was pretty handsome. Will thinks we should head there, no one argues so one we walked. I kept a keen eye as the rest chatted quietly. I glanced up and around. I barely remembered this place. I recognized the giant wheel and chuckled at the faintest memory. We reach the carousel. Four states, “The others will have set up in about ten minutes, you should take this time to formulate a strategy.”

“Oh boy,” I whispered as they began to bicker. Others join in until it’s just them bickering, or not I wasn’t really sure as I had started to walk away. I knew there was no chance of pulling Christina out of an argument. I look at the Ferris Wheel, trying to come up with my own plan. Height that’s how we’ll find them. I didn’t say it out loud. Why would they listen to me? 

I look around. No one’s paying attention. I sneaked out with light footsteps to the Ferris Wheel. I smile at it. I wonder if my signature is still here? I look at the entrance of the ladder. I smile fondly as I look at the top. The fear filled me as I grabbed the first rung then the next and the next one after that. My smile widened, and so did my anxiety as the wind picked up. I wait for the wind to die down. I looked back at the group, and they seemed so small. Everything felt small. I guess I’m so used to being small that it’s weird when everything else is. I knew no one would notice, but a pang in my heart reminded me. I pressed my face to the wind climbing higher. One hand after another, until I reached the platform in the center. I traced my old signature and looked towards the train tracks. I could barely see. I was confused until I realized there was a building in the way. I glanced up and gulped. 

There were more broken rungs than usable ones, but there were holes for me to wedge my feet. I grabbed a fractured rung and pulled myself up. I made it several makeshift rungs up before the wind tried to tear me from them. I only got knocked once but not enough to be fatal. I climbed three more. I turned, and I could see the skyline. I scanned the lights until I saw one a little too close. The enemy team’s flag, I smiled and enjoyed the wind as I tried to climb down. I made it half the distance to the platform until a rung piece broke, and I was left with nowhere else to put my foot. 

I wanted to scream, but who would hear me? I took a breath. I lifted my head and began to look around. The beams that held the cars were close enough. I vividly saw myself fall to my death. I was not going to die here. I looked up with determination. I reached for the chair beams and pulled myself to it. The next one was far but not far enough to miss. I gathered my strength and swung. With a small clang, I made it. I took a heavy breath. My arms and legs shook. This was way too similar to hanging over the chasm. I kept swinging until I was at the lowest point, which wasn’t, unfortunately, that low. I would have to jump. My breath was shaky as tears began to fall. I closed my eyes, a voice entered my head, “Bravery is not the absence of fear, but acting despite it.”

It was Four, of course, it was, however, that’s exactly what I needed. With the tears down my face, the wind wrapped around my face. I let go. Plummeting to the earth, I felt my stomach drop. Every problem felt small. I felt small, and I wasn’t in danger of it. I slammed to the ground using the momentum to roll even though the pain still was excruciating. I pick myself up, brushing away the mud and rock. I was bleeding but not heavily. I cackled. I stood and walked back to the carousel. 

“Where are the others,” I asked, as I reached the carousel  
“Were you the one to rock the wheel? What were you thinking? ‘Like here we are, come get us!’ If I lose again..”  
“You won’t,” I said, “if you will listen. I climbed the wheel to find the other flag. I figure it was useful seeing as you all wanted to bicker.” They glowered. “Then what do we do?” asked Christina. I thought for a moment, “We split. One group of four, one group of three. The group of four charges while the other sneaks around.” They glanced among themselves, and one girl said, “Let’s do it.” I breathed as my palms felt irritated against the wind. Wincing as they split groups. I loaded my gun. Christina and the dark-eyed boy joined me. His name was Uriah. We dashed around to find it. I stopped them to wait for our charging party. When we heard yelling, we all ran towards the tree, and I tried to get it, but Christina was taller.   
“You’ve done enough,” She said as she started cheering. The rest of our team joined, and soon I did too. Who cares about such a menial win, I found myself. I glanced around for Four but stopped as I realized what I was doing. ‘He’s just like everyone else,’ my brain said. My heart disagreed strongly.

Everyone was praising Christina as she held the flag. Peter, Drew, and Molly looked at her with envy. I was kinda glad to not be in her position. It’s my turn to watch her back. I glanced at my knees now that there was more light. I had scraped them badly. The knee parts of my pants were gone entirely. I hissed as Uriah sat next to me, “So you climbed the Ferris Wheel?”  
“Climbed?” I smile, “Yeah, sure, we’ll go with that. The girl that yelled at me for rocking the Ferris Wheel came over as well.  
“Pretty smart… like Erudite smart,” said the girl.  
“I’m Marlene.”

“Kali,” I was cut off, “I know first jumper sticks also the girl who hung from the chasm bar for eight minutes sticks out too,” she stated.  
I smiled and nodded as Uriah squeezes the paintball.

“You might not want to do that-” I said as the train lurched, and the paintball squished spraying me across the face. I glared as I wiped the paint and wiped off on him. The smell made Marlene cry out and then fall to the floor, laughing. I laugh as Uriah tries again but fails, spraying himself in the face. I was crying with laughter as he exaggerated the gagging sounds. I rolled my eyes as I pulled the ripped fabric out. Then he really gagged, “Why are you doing that now?”  
“Why not?” I asked with a laugh. Marlene nudged him, “Can’t handle a little blood?”

We laughed at him as the train was getting closer to the compound. I stood, and the two followed. My knees were very thankful to not have to jump down onto the net again in their current state. I stood next to Four. He kept glancing over at me, trying to mask the concern. We reached the entrance. I launched myself out. I hear many others jump after me. I pushed myself up and walked inside. I bid Uriah and Marlene goodbye. I told Christina, Will, and Al to not wait up. Then I headed to the infirmary. I tried to remember, but sleep, pain, and lingering fear were clouding my thoughts. “Need help?” a soothing voice asked. I turned. Four offered his hand. I took it, and he led me to the infirmary. It was after hours, so the medical supplies were accessible, but the doctors were off shift. I collected the stuff I needed and sat on a bed. “So where did you end up? In the game, I mean?”

“Thought you had gone with the search party, so I went with them. I was too late to turn back when I realized you weren’t there.” Four admitted.  
“Almost,” I assured, “Almost got me figured out.”  
He calmed, “Where did you end up? How’d you end up like this?”

I winced as I cleaned the wound and picked rocks out. I used a flashlight for glass just in case. I handed him the flashlight to hold while I worked. “I climbed the Ferris Wheel to get a better look,” I responded. He looked at me, wide-eyed, “Yeah, the first ladder to the center was fine; however, the next one had barely any working rungs, so I wedge my feet into holes. Here.” I took the flashlight, putting it down before he dropped it.  
“I was okay until I slipped, and they had no footholds,” he sat down next to me, “Then I swung from each of the beams with the car things.” His face was white, “Oh my god, Are you human?”

“Yeah, pretty sure as I felt my soul leave my body as the lowest part was still fairly high from the ground”  
“What did you do to get down?”  
“I let go”  
Four’s face spelled shock, “That sounds terrifying.”

I gave a small smile, “It was especially since no one would’ve thought to check there.”  
I finished cleaning my knees and moved to my hands as Four went through what I did a few minutes ago.  
He recovered, “Why did Christina end up with the flag?”

“She beat me to it. To be fair, my legs were hurting. I had done the part I wanted to, so winning didn’t mean much after plummeting to the earth,” I answered. After I was done, I looked at the wear in my pants. I’ll have to get new ones. I wiped my face with my hands, “I was so terrified.” I didn’t know where this honesty came from, the electrified air, and the way he made me feel must have something to do with it. He placed a hand on my knee, “It’s okay. You’re okay now.”

His hand sent shivers down my body, which he thankfully took for crying. We hugged, and my tears lightly fell. Once I was done, we parted so I could get some rest before tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos if you enjoyed it!


	6. Perfect, between the trouble making and rebel rousing...

The next morning I jumped out of bed. The excitement from last night seemed to not fade. I grabbed food for myself and Christina, and we trudged to the training room. Target practice, no pain except I'm me, and Eric is here. Eric's soreness for losing has kicked it. I smirked and waited for the others. Dauntless was about pride, and here was wounded pride in full display. "Grab knives and watch as Four demonstrates proper throwing," Eric ordered. Four walked to the center and threw some knives. I watched his body, then his hand, and then his face as he threw three. I was the only one to grab knives as the others stood still.

"Now!" Eric demanded. Everyone else scrambled. I waited for Al to get situated and took a target next to him. I held up one knife. I looked at it. How long had it been since I had last held a throwing knife? I tried to remember as I copied Four previous movements. I held my breath as I threw the first knife. It struck the outside edge. So yesterday made me steady. Got it. I laughed to myself. I snuck a look at Al, who was struggling relentlessly. I caught his eye and tried to copy me except he was too big, so I exaggerated, and he got close but was still missing. Eric came up, "What's going on, Candor? Do I need to move the target closer so you can see?" The poison sheathed words struck Al. He tried to throw again, but it spiraled off in a random direction. The rest had stopped, but I was still throwing.

"Did I say to stop?" He yelled at us. They returned to firing as Al refused to go get his knives. Eric yelled for us to stop. I tapped my foot against the ground. He clears us out of the ring. I gulp, Eric's going to push both Al and Four. He sends Al to get his knives, except he tells Al to stand in the center of a target. I grit my teeth as Eric asks Four to help him out by throwing knives at Al. Eric restates his authority as Four challenges with a bored voice. Four grips the knives tighter. I swallow my fear like a small coal.  
"Stop it," I seethed.

Four glares, and I smirk. Al slight relaxation gives me strength. God, I really am an idiot.  
"Anybody can stand in front of a target. It only shows you as a sore loser and a coward." I feel my heart jump. Why am I like this?  
Eric accepted my challenge, "Then take his place." I smirk and swagger on up. I smile as I pass Al, "It's okay." he nodded and went to Will and Christina. Four's look of anger almost makes me laugh. He's absolutely right, of course. I am just an idiot. Now, I am an idiot in front of a target."  
I take my place as my head barely reaches the center. I square my shoulders and Turn to stone as I hold Four's gaze.   
"You flinch Al takes your place. Understand?"   
"Yes," my voice firm. I see Eric's sinister smile out the corner of my eye. I took a deep breath staring at Four. The world faded as a memory surface.

*Flashback*

Light glitters through the trees. The wind rustles the leaves together. Trees spanned for miles. The bright green leaves flew by as I ran to the hideout. I held a bundle of sticks in my arms. My small legs carried me with ease as I sprinted. The breeze filled me with hope. I reached the hideout. Fire and Danger stood at the entrance, their mischievous smiles filled me with joy. They stood with a large bag of candy.  
My eyes widened in excitement. They issued a challenge.  
"Whoever can survive the sticks being thrown at their head will get the candy," Danger announced. I smirked, "Okay, who's first?"  
"You are duh!" Fire taunted. I nodded as I walked towards the practice tree filled with notches and burn holes from all sorts of weapons. In the center, a circle with smaller rings was poorly drawn. I was short, so I stood with my head just below the circle. I stood proud against the tree as Danger took her aim. She and Fire would switch back and forth until the sticks ran out. My smile remained on my face as Danger threw the last stick straight into my arm… 

*Present*  
A thump returns me to the current situation. The knife struck above my head. I breathed. Two more to go. I rub the hidden scar  
"You good, Pansy?"  
Al's nighttime cries resurface, My own memory straightens my back, "Yes."  
I hold his eyes. He throws another that lands a foot away from my cheek.   
"Pansy, let somebody else take it."  
Christina screams echo in my head. My mind replaces them with Al's. I smile, imagining Danger's smirk, "No."  
"Are you sure?"

"Shut up and throw," I demanded. Four's eyes glinted, and he threw the knife. No flinch, The knife sliced the bottom of my ear. I laughed hard. Eric gave a sinister laugh, "I would love to see if you are all as brave as she is, but… I think that's enough for today." He squeezed my shoulder, "I really need to keep an eye on you."

"Anybody would have told you that. Though now I don't have to waste credits getting a piercing," I faked a smile. Eric patted me on the shoulder and walked out. Most of the initiates followed. I waved Al, Christina, and Will on, "I'll meet you at the dining hall" I bounced on my feet. When they had left, I took a deep breath and knelt down.

"Oooh, man, God, I am an idiot." I buried my face in my hands, ignoring my ear. The fear rippled through me. I sat on the floor. I held my hands over my face as I heard footsteps towards me. My heavy breathing masked the footsteps as I tried to regain my composure. I leaned forward, breathing deeply. With big huffs, I felt gauze be placed on my ear, cleaning it. My breath steadied slowly.   
"Thanks," My breath was shallow enough to talk. 

"You're welcome," Four's voice filled me with ease. I rested my head against the target.  
"I'm sorry I'm a dumb ass," I held my tears, but voice definitely cracked.   
"Yeah, I'm starting to get that." His voice was quiet. I looked at him as he finished cleaning my ear.

"I'll go get a bandaid later," I said, I heaved myself up. I steadied against the wall as I stepped towards the door until my mask was back. I turn back to Four, "Thanks." I walk out to the dining hall. I sit with Christina, Will, and Al. Al apologizes profusely, I wave him off. I reassure him a hundred times before he accepts it. I zone out as the bickering starts. I rubbed my neck. Why hadn't the inhibitor gone off all this time? I was so caught up. Hmmm, I zoned back into Christina, smacking my arm, "Hey, we should go get some more clothes." I brightened, "Yeah, since my other pair got ripped." We shopped, ate, watched Al get more tattoos. They were trying to cheer me up, and it worked. I was smiling as I walked to my bed. "Thanks, guys," I said. They all nodded as I fell asleep. 

I awoke with a start. I glanced around, Christina had been trying to wake me. I thank her and pull myself out of bed. I got dressed and headed to the training room. I brightened a bit as I entered. I waited for the board to be filled out. I was fighting Edward. I hid my excitement as we were once again the last to fight. I watched Will and Molly, Christina and Peter both vicious fights. However, Christina's more so seeing as she had a personal vendetta against him. 

Then Edward and I were up. I was fighting full force today. I was angry and agitated. This was my contained chance to let it go. I looked at him with piercing determination. He nodded and drove his fist. I caught him and punched full force in the stomach. I flipped him and pinned him to the floor he got up. I gave a few good punches, wrapped my legs around his head, and sent him flying into the wall. My breathing was heavy, yet my heart was satisfied. Myra rushed to him and helped him to the infirmary. I walked with my friends even they stood at arm's length. I had scared them, understandably. I kept silent until I noticed, "Why is everyone acting weird today? Is there something about tomorrow I missed?"

They all looked at each other. Christina turned to me, "Tomorrow is visiting day."  
"O...oh, I see. Thank you," I nodded as they turned and walked away. I followed, but I was too far in my own head to notice. Visiting day, I hadn't even thought of it. I wonder who will come. I doubt Johanna, maybe she'll come. I shook my head, ridding the thought. Al gave me a glance but asked the others something so they wouldn't dwell on it. I didn't stress, she would come if she wanted. 

I felt my heart drop as I woke in a cold sweat. I rub my eyes and get up. I sneaked out, the lamps showed it was almost daily. I walked up to where the chasm bar was. I sat down far from it. I twirled my hoodie string. I recalled the day I hung. That lullaby I first heard so long. I smiled as memories swirled and faded. I sat reminiscing, building up hope for Johanna to come to see me. What if she brought Fire, a smile appeared. My heart raced as I heard approaching footsteps. I turned, "Shouldn't you be asleep."

"Like you clearly are?" Four remarked. I laughed, "Come to yell at me for being out at this hour."  
Four shook his head, "No, I wanted to make sure you are okay. You've been staring at that edge for a little too long."  
I blinked, confused until I realized, "Oh, oh no, I'm not… I was just trying to get Christina's screams out of my head. I thought that coming here might help. I guess not." I hugged my legs. Four sat next to me, I glanced at him. He looked as tired as I felt, "Why do those screams stay with you?"  
"I really don't know. It just there every time I close my eyes, or I try to not do something stupid," I shrugged. Four moved until his shoulder touched mine. How scandalous. 

"Maybe it's your guilt for hesitating," Four offered.  
"That would make sense. I do stupid things because I know I'll regret it if I don't." I hummed, deep in thought. Four shared the silence as the sun spread through the glass ceiling. I took a deep breath, "Visiting Day."  
"Yeah. Any idea if anyone coming?" Four asked gently.   
"I don't know, and I don't want to build hope in case no one does, but a small part is building hope, so I really hope so."  
"Who do you think might?"

"Johanna, she might bring Fire," I said, my hope rising.  
"I didn't think Johanna had children?" Four asked.  
"Not biologically, but she's the closest thing I have to a mother seeing as Jeanie doesn't even come close." I explained, Four moved to ask but didn't, "You should go get ready. I heard something about Pansies coming to the compound." I looked at him, confused but got up, "Thanks, god, I say that a lot." He stood and squeezed my hand. I blushed and walked to the dorm. I put on shoes and put my hair up. I dosed on my bunk until Christina poked me awake. I rolled out and followed them. I hung at the back. Afraid of what I'd find, I trudged forward until I saw the bright red and yellow. Two sets, I beamed and walked faster. Johanna had arrived, and she brought Fire. I gasped and dashed to him. He yelled as we embraced in a tight hug. I hugged Johanna, "Thanks for being here."

"You're welcome. Not getting into trouble, I presume?" Her eyebrows raised.  
"Absolutely not," I said, avoiding her eyes. I held Fire close ignoring the looks from the Dauntless. She chuckled and pet my hair, "My beautiful Dauntless, you are doing so well. I am so proud of you." I leaned into her hand, tears threatening to fall. I held Fire's hand tight.   
Johanna leaned close, "They still know, be careful." I nodded into her hand, "Promise me."  
"I promise to be their biggest nuisance," I laughed, and Fire joined. Johanna smiled, fondly, "Good girl" We walked to the chasm overlook. We watched the people down below like we use to. I nudge Fire, "There's one of my instructors."  
Johanna responded, "He's handsome."

"Mom! No, don't you- don't" I stopped as she moved to shake his hand. "Why do you do this to me?" I whispered as Fire cackled. I hid my face in my hands. They introduced themselves, My mom's eye glinted.   
"Mom, no. Stop," I giggled with fear. Four glanced over. I stared at my mother. She smirked. She shook Four's hand, "I understand you are one of my daughter's instructor's?" I blushed at her words.  
"I am. Your daughter is doing well here," he said to my mother.

"No doubt, between the consistent trouble making, she's probably perfect." Mom jokes. Four cracked a smile. It was in Amity's culture not to ask about nicknames.   
"She's a quick study. She'll make it through just fine." I was confused but shrugged as Fire pestered me.

"What do you want?" I asked.  
"How is it here?" Fire asked.  
"Good, some parts are, but everything has growing pains," I answered. I leaned in, "It feels the same to the woods, except actual weapons than the wood we used."  
Fire's eyes widened, whispering, "Including the sticks?" I showed him my ear, and his eyes glimmered, "Lucky."  
"Hey, you made your choice," My voice returned to a reasonable volume. I sighed as Four agreed with some compliment my mother made she walked back over.

"He is very charming," she said, her eyebrows raised. I giggled as I nodded. Fire's eyebrows wiggled, "Giggling, What?"   
"You leave me alone with that. Don't think I didn't see that girl look at you on that truck." I turned the tide. His face dropped instantly, "How dare you?" Johanna turned to pester Fire as I laughed. He poked his tongue at me. I returned the gesture. We laughed  
"You first, bitch," I cackled as he tried to strangle me. My heart was filled with laughter as mom sobered, "You must know tensions between Erudite and Abnegation are rising, Jeanine will come for you soon." I sobered quickly at that. I touched my neck, "Is that why it's not been working?"  
"Yes, I presume she was saving it" Mom did not look happy. I smiled, "I'll be okay. I promise." She seemed to relax as Fire was done racing around. We moved so I can introduce my friends though I can't seem to find Al. I didn't dwell as I was presenting my family to Christina's, who happened to be from Candor, Amity's rival faction. Christina's parents talked loudly about the Amity. My mother's gentle smile deflected it. My mother and I walked away, "I'm glad you are doing well. How are you ranking?"

"Near the middle, though I keep pushing, so no matter what I rank, they're watching me," I answered.  
She tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, "You are strong and smart no matter what anybody tells you. Caring is not a weakness."  
She pressed her forehead to mine, "I love you, my darling Kallous."  
"I love you too. I'll be alright. Jeanine needs me. Those outside the fence want me desperately." I reassured her as I felt her tears against my head. We walked back to Fire. I hugged him tightly, "Stay safe," I whispered. We parted holding hands. He nodded and squeezed my hand, "See you on the flipside."  
"To hell and back," I replied, giving the heart shape symbol. They walked out, and I smiled. I breathed deep, knowing I had lulled Johanna into false security. I know Eric won't follow such an order. 

My mind was running in circles as I went back to the dorms. I found Al, "I figured you were here. How are you doing?"  
"I was afraid, and I knew they would see through any lie." his voice teetered.  
I sat next to him, "Yeah, I know."

He gave a sad smile as we sat in the silence. He rambled about coming last until he slid his arm over my shoulders. I got up and sat across, "If you can be that brave. I think you'll fit just fine." I laughed, ignoring the awkwardness. I felt terrible, but leading him on would hurt worse, right?  
I argued with myself as I watched the boy in front of me, crumble, "I am so sorry." I sat with him until it was time for dinner. I raced him, and we met up with Will and Christina. Everyone was speculating about the ranks except Christina, who was incredulous that the Erudite didn't have pets. I watched with a fond smile at the bickering ignoring Al's gaze. We ate and then walked back to the dorms where the ranks were being posted. We walked in as Four was explaining the ranking system and how stage two was ranked harder than the last. The cuts would be announced tomorrow. We all fell silent as we studied the list.

1) Edward  
2) Peter  
3) Kali  
4) Will  
5) Christina

I was third that was good, given the circumstances, I continued reading.

6) Molly  
7) Drew  
8) Al  
9) Myra

The room was silent until it was broken. "What?" said Peter, "I beat her in seconds, and she's above me?" Peter was pointing at Christina.  
"What about it," said Christina  
"You were defeated by a weaker opponent," Four answered. I had beaten him. Oh no. I didn't lose a fight. They groaned and muttered about the scores. But Peter glared at me, "You are gonna pay." I kept calm, trying to figure out how I was the target. I breathed third. I was third.. We celebrated, glad we weren't in competition except for Al who went to bed early. 

I think we all struggled to fall asleep. As the usual heavy breathing was quiet, I think everyone was worried except Edward. However, Peter's lack of complaint put me on edge. I opened my eyes and stared at the bottom of Christina's bunk. I hear rustling and the clunk of a shoe. I heard it headed past until I sat up and listened to two sets of footsteps, one rushed to me covering my mouth with a pillow I wasn't strong enough to fight. I was knocked unconscious as I heard someone yell, "Get the lights!"

I awoke slowly as I tried to recall what happened. I was still in the dorm. The lights were on. I groaned, "What's going on?"  
Christina was by my head, checking my pulse, "Edward's been stabbed in the eye. You were smothered by a pillow." She looked upset, but also seemed at a loss for what to do. I nodded and sat up, looking at where Edward's bunk was.  
"He's been taken to the infirmary. Myra went with him. Is there anything we can do?" She asked. I stood and walked over, "There's no one to tell. However…" I trailed off to get paper towels and started cleaning. I didn't want to dwell on who smothered me. Al and Molly were good candidates. I shook the thought as I wiped up the blood. It almost felt relieving if it weren't for the circumstances. Christina helped throw away the dirty ones and get me more. It was a comfort to her to help.  
I washed my hands when I was done. We crawled into Christina's bed and held each other until she fell asleep. I was almost glad not to have another scream in my head. 

The next day Will and I walked around the compound. We didn't want to be in there longer than we had to. Al and Christina were napping.  
"I almost wish we had work to do." Will expressed.  
"Me too," I thought about going to the training room. I'll do it later. We stay silent. "We could go see Edward?" Will suggests.  
"I know, but what would we say? There's nothing we can do for him, except getting threw this." I replied. Will nodded.  
"I wish they still followed the manifestos," I complained.  
"You know the manifestos?" Will questioned.  
"Yeah, and then saying something would be brave, not stupid. Though I guess the camera caught it." I mumbled pondering. Will nodded and stayed silent as we wandered aimlessly. 

"We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another." I quoted, Will nodded. "That's why I try to stand up, but Peter knew that that's why he had me smothered. I would have fought him without hesitation." I explained, only for my benefit. Will smiled at me, "Let's go get some cake."  
I smiled, "Let's do it." I recalled the manifesto and my promise. I looked to the roof as we walked. Please know I am trying. 

Later we returned, I learned that Edward and Myra quit, two other Dauntlessborn were cut, but we didn't know them. Edward's departure saved Al from being cut. From nine to seven, I have to keep my promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you want more by leaving kudos or a comment


	7. In Flames

I sit in a hallway I don’t recognize hiding from the rest trying to get Edward’s blood out of my mind. I rubbed my eyes as I heard a familiar voice. “Kali?”  
“Uriah?”  
“You alright?”  
“I’m trying. Rough night”  
“Yeah I heard about Edward,” He glanced after the Dauntlessborn initiates and looked at me with excitement, “Wanna get out of here?”  
“Please,” I offer my hand. He takes it, and we race after them. He explained that only initiates with older siblings in Dauntless could go, but just blend in, and I should be alright.

“What’s the Pansy doing here?”  
“She just saw a guy get stabbed,” answered Uriah, “Give her a break, Gabe.”  
Gabe slinked back. We head towards a dark door. I look at Uriah, “back staircase, usually locked.” I nodded as we all jogged. We emerge a couple feet away from tracks. I joined the black mass as we ran up. I jumped in smoothly and sat against the wall with Uriah. I wanted to ask, but part of me wanted to find out. I bounced my leg. “That’s my brother,” Uriah points to the boy sitting in the hallway.  
“He refuses to say where we are going,” Uriah explained, loudly.

“That would ruin the point. Hi, I’m Shauna,” She shook my hand. She talks about Four helping her through training. I smiled and nodded. Her serious expression faded as The other members began to get up. I stood with them. I saw a hundred-foot building. I was excited—the empty Hancock building. I jumped off with ease. Uriah stayed by my side. We jogged to the others as we got closer, the others sprint Uriah and me amid the mass. I loved running. I step through a broken glass door. We stood in front of the elevator doors, “The elevators work?” I asked Uriah.  
Zeke answered, “Sure they do. Do you think I’m not smart enough to come and start up the backup generator?”  
“I do,” said Uriah as Zeke head locked him and ran his fist across his head. Uriah punched him, and Zeke let go. I laughed at his disheveled hair. We pile into the now open doors. A girl pipes up, “What floor?”

“Easy, Hundredth” I answered.  
“How do you know?” she snapped.  
“Lynn, be nice” Uriah asked.

“We are in a 100th story building with a group of Dauntless. How do you not know?” I furrowed my eyebrows. She scowled and jammed the button. I grip the railing as the elevator races upwards. Watching the numbers, I was getting more and more excited.  
“How do we get to the roof…” Uriah trailed off as the wind howled. Zeke popped up an aluminum ladder. My excitement was not bested by the memory of the Ferris Wheel. I scrambled to the top holding it for Uriah. I see the black cable stretched down past the shore.  
“We are sliding down a steel cable in a black harness.” I breathed out. I smile as Uriah said, “Oh my God.”  
My excitement buzzed, as Shauna was the first in the harness I watched as Zeke strapped her in. I jumped up and down as Uriah blanched. We all scramble to get in line as Shauna hurdles to the ground until she is but a spec of black. Uriah was behind me. I was seventh in line. I shook my hands as I waited. 

“Are you excited for this?” asked Uriah.  
“You aren’t?” I returned.  
“No, I mean yes, of course,” I laughed nervously as the line shortened three people. My excitement grew though, surprisingly my fear didn’t, maybe jumping from that Ferris Wheel helped. The girl in front goes with a whoop. My smile is full as I walk up. “Excited?” asked Zeke.  
“Yes!” I crawled in.  
“I have to admit Pansy I was convinced that you would be screaming and crying.”  
I smiled as Uriah said, “I told you, Dauntless, through and through.”   
“Careful, brother, or I won’t tighten your straps enough.” Zeke threatens

“Then mother would kill you-” Uriah started, but I didn’t hear as Zeke let go. The world fell away. Nothing mattered. I stayed silent as I spread my arms. I loved the wind, flowing through me like paper. This was amazing. I breathe deeply and enjoy the freeness of the air. The steel looking marsh, the field was the Forest used to be. I reached to loosen the straps as I see the others below. These are my people, and I am theirs. I fall into a mass of arms and wrist bones. I laughed, “that was amazing.” I looked around as the group laughed. I turn my face to where I came from. I couldn’t see the roof from where I was.   
“There he is!” Someone yelled. I squinted until he came into view, “Zeke’s brother, no way” someone else responded.  
“He would get punched so hard.” said Shauna.  
“He looks like a strangled cat,” I observed, the group laughed as we moved to catch him. I thrust my arms in between everybody else’s. I clasp hands with Shauna. I look up at her, “Guess we can’t call you Pansy anymore,” Shauna said, “Kali.” I laughed loudly.

The time passed quickly from everybody down and then to the train. Uriah began telling stories and an impromptu dance contest. I was laughing loudly as we entered the cafeteria. He was still singing terribly, I was still dancing. Our laughter echoed off the walls. I waved to them as I walked off with the temporary paper crown. I laughed even as I sat down. I liked their stunned faces.  
“What were you doing with them?” Christina asked, “Why were you with them?”  
“Uriah found me after I couldn’t go back to the dorms. He said I could tag-a-long. I was scared they wouldn’t let me, but Uriah convinced them. I looked over with a smile. Uriah was flicking food in his brother’s face. He saw me and gave me a thumbs up. I laughed and kept that spirit as these people were obviously upset.

“What happened?” I asked, “Why are you so pissed?”  
“Because I had to sit behind and defend your faction,” Christina answered. Will explained that some Erudite had come asking about Amity airheadedness. I held a laugh, “Thank you, Christina. I am sorry for the burden that was placed on you due to your family background. Thank you for sticking up for me when I wasn’t around.” I held her eyes as I apologized. Her eyes softened and hugged me. She didn’t explain. I had no idea what she was thinking. I gave her a smile and ate my food. I do belong here. 

The next day all we found was the second stage was just a lot of waiting. We all sit in a long hallway. People are being called in the reverse order of the list. Uriah and Marlene sat across. Lynn was sizing us up and asking about our first. Uriah challenged me to another dance contest. I smiled, “What upset that you lost last time?”  
“No I just didn’t have enough time, “he defended. I laughed as he pulled me to my feet, and we danced up and down the corridor without any music. I was laughing as Peter was called. Uriah sat down, exhausted. I tsked “Weakness.” I was still dancing as Four opened the door, “Get in here, Kali” I laughed at his tone. I dance into the room for Uriah’s laugh. I dropped it when the door closed.  
“Oh boy,” I said as I was faced with a very familiar chair, not this specific one but one in the same setup. I took a deep breath. Give into the serum I reminded myself. My inhibitor was in my neck for this purpose. I sat in the chair. He put the needle to my arm. I looked away from the needle. Four sounded humored, “Needles? Really?” After the needle was done, I looked at him, “Heights? Really?” My heart raced as he explained what I already knew. I held the chair arms and gave in to the serum.

The Forest, trees stretching far into the horizon. I breathed in the woodland smell, except smoke filled my lungs. Panic filled me as I looked around as my eyes began to sting. The air smells of acrid smoke. My heartbeat raced. I took off towards an overlooking hill. I ran hard. My arms, legs, and lungs felt on fire as I ran. I hesitated. The kids, I know the hideout. The flames licked at my heels. I argued with myself. “Fuck, Dauntless simulation.” The fire licked at my pant legs. I sprinted to the hill. It did not look as steep from afar. I quickly scramble and fail to climb the hill. The fire begins to burn the soles of my shoes. I wedge my feet between rocks pulling myself up. The fire rages at the bottom. I need to calm down. 

The fire rages higher and higher, the Forest completely burning. I scream, clawing at my chest. The tears falling. The pain burst from my lungs as my heart feels the flames. I need to let go. The pain was unbearable. I couldn’t get my breathing under control. The smoke started to fill my lungs. My throat begins to close. I glanced out at the fire faces of all those I had lost. The soft brown eyes at the forefront, I cried as I let the flames engulf me.  
I awoke in the chair. I leaned forward, my eyes filled with tears. I covered my eyes with my hands, holding in the sobs. The sobs forcing their way out.  
“It’s over,” Four’s soothing voice states. I nodded, the tears refusing to stop. His fingers awkwardly carded through my hair. 

“Kali, I’m going to take you back to the dorms, okay?” His voice was soft. I nodded as Four pulled me from the chair. He supports me with his shoulder. I wipe my face with my free arm. I manage to start walking. I take deep breaths as we are a few hundred yards away from the dorms. I managed to clear my voice, “How long was I under?” my voice raspy. 

“Three minutes,” Four stated, “Three times faster than the others.”  
“Shit,” I breathed, “I can’t keep doing that.” My chest feels lighter, worrying about one thing at a time.  
Four looked at me, “Good idea.” I pushed to walk on my own as we got closer. One foot after another. We stop at the door. He leans against the door. I lean next to him. I rest my head against the wall.   
“You did well, Kali.” Four provided as my mind worked itself in knots. I gulped nodding, “Thanks.” I didn’t want the conversation to end like that.  
“What was your first fear?” I asked.

“More a who than a what,” He shrugs, “Not necessary. Besides, as you saw, the fears are symbolic. The Forest was cut down, not burned.  
I squint, making eye contact, “Yeah, I fear that I died with it.”  
He nodded, “Do you know why we do the simulations?”  
“To, “I took a deep breath, “To teach acting amid fear. The simulations provide individual fear because what scares one person doesn’t affect the other.” I said, out of breath. He placed his hand on my shoulder, from instructor to an 18-year-old boy in less than a second.  
Four nodded, “You’ll be better tomorrow, you’ll see.”

“We’ll see, all the simulations I’ve done have gotten harder for me.” I held my breath. I should not have said that. His hand rubbed my back, “We’ll see,” His eyes glinted with a smirk. I wiped my eyes and pushed away from the wall. I shook my head, ridding all thoughts other than initiation. I stared at the dormitory door. “First things first. One step after another,” I whispered. I saw Four hide a smile out of the corner of my eye. I pushed to my feet, wobbling a little. Four stayed against the wall. I smiled, waved, and marched through the door.

When I entered, Molly was holding a piece of paper. She was reading it out loud.  
“‘The recent transfers from Amity call into question the safeness and soundness of the quality of upbringing. Kali Reyes was heard the whimpering sound of “stop it’ as if she was trying to fight someone’ reported her initiate mate Molly.” I cracked a smile at the name and furrowed my eyebrows. What was Matthew’s plan? Molly continued, “There is a belief some type of torture is used to make people calm. People question the spokesperson, Johanna.”  
My voice crackled as I laughed loudly. “Thank you, that was nice to hear. Kali Reyes.” I repeated as Christina announced it was her turn for a tattoo. I laughed, very proud of that name. As we left. Will looked at me, “Why didn’t that bother you?”

“Because, If there is anybody in this entire world who can endure the heat of the Erudite, it’s Johanna,” I laughed, “They picked a poor target to use as a unifying enemy.” I noticed the sly look between Will and Christina. I ignored it as we got to the tattoo parlor. I shuffle through the pictures.   
An hour later, my shoulder burned with a new tattoo of the heart symbol on fire. Christina did my makeup and got me a shirt that exposed my tattoos.  
Will and I walk behind Christina as Al gives her a piggyback ride. 

“I can’t believe you got another tattoo,” Will shook his head.  
“Why,” I asked, “Because I’m a Pansy?”  
“No..you’re sensible,” He smiles wide, “What was your fear, Kali?”  
I sighed, “Letting the past go. Yours?”  
“Too much acid,” he replied. I nodded, “I’ll add it to the list’  
Will laughed. I smiled. Christina smacks Al as he almost drops her. I knew the signs. Al smiled, but it was heavy. I held my breath every time I saw him. I saw Four standing over the chasm. I laughed at the drink and his brightened face. He was intoxicated. “Kali!” Four called. It wouldn’t have been weird except we were a group of four, and he was talking only to me. I share a look with Will. 

“You look different,” His words now sluggish. I laughed, “Yeah, it’s called changing clothes.”  
His laughter is easy. I laugh with him, “Not that you look normal, either.”  
He laughed again, “You’re probably right.”  
“What are you up to?”  
“Flirting with Death, drinking near the chasm, not a good idea,” he seemed to sober.  
I laughed, “Probably, but it is not like you are full of good ideas.”

He mocked offense. I laughed. He glances at my tattoo, “I didn’t know you had that.” his breath was sharp. “A heart...interesting, I would invite you, but you’re not allowed to see me like this.”  
“Drunk or Real?” My smile was reassuring.  
“Both probably.” He smiled.  
“I’ll pretend I didn’t,” I said.  
“Nice of you,” His eyes were always kind, “You look good, Kali”  
“Thanks, you better get back before somebody sees you.”  
He nodded, “Have night nice.” He walked away. “Stay away from the chasm,” I yelled. He gave thumbs up. I smiled. My face was warmed as Al barreled to rescue me. 

“What was that,” he asked, hiding the sadness.  
“I think we’d all like to know,” Christina singsonged, “What did he say?” she continued to sing.  
“Nothing,” I said, my voice rising in pitch, “He was drunk and had no idea what he was saying.”  
“And it couldn’t be because-” Will started, but I nudged him in the ribs. Al would not react well. Christina cackled, and I yelled at her. She taunted me as we entered the cafeteria. I felt alive in the soothing chorus of a hundred clattering plates and mouths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos! It only takes a second.


End file.
